One Little Pig

By now, you've probably heard about Alec Baldwin's telephone rant to his 11-year-old (or 12, as Baldwin mistakenly notes) daughter, Ireland.

What I find most disturbing about this leaked voice mail message, after his threats to "straighten [her] ass out" upon their next meeting, is his reference to Ireland as a "thoughtless little pig." True, he modifies "pig" with "little," but being labeled a pig is the last thing an adolescent girl needs to hear. Especially when your mom happens to be Kim Bassinger. . .

The New No-Diet-No-Exercise Weight-Loss Plan

Last night's ten o'clock news beckoned with a diet trick sure to inspire--a weight-loss method that requires no exercise or food restriction.

Following several stories and commercial breaks, the plan was unveiled: chew gum. As the reporter informed us, chewing gum during the afternoon results in 36 fewer calories consumed per day.

36. So, in about 100 days, if you're to chew gum every day, you may (if you're the norm) lose about a pound. How, I wonder, did this make the news?

Scales of Measurement

I’ve never owned a scale. It seems that weighing becomes highly ritualistic, and as others have written in the past, a way to determine one’s worth and mood for the rest of the day. That’s probably why I’ve opted out. But, recently, I’ve been thinking about how, even if we shun the scale, we may compensate by using other self-worth metrics related to body image, namely frequent mirror checks and/or an over-reliance on the fit of our clothes.

“Oh, I don’t weigh myself; I just go by how my clothes fit.” Sound familiar? What exactly does “go by” mean? Why must we rate ourselves at all? Weighing. Mirror-glancing. Checking the fit of our clothes. The self-esteem trifecta.

So, I’m curious: How often do you weigh yourself? How about checking yourself in the mirror or the fit of your clothing? What types of thoughts and feelings precipitate these behaviors? How do you feel after each behavior? And, finally, what would it be like to stop?

Just a Thought

Gwen Stefani is interviewed in People magazine's online site today, sharing her lifelong struggle with weight and body image. She reports that she's been on a diet since the sixth grade and that she continues to restrict (especially post-baby) in order to wear the latest fashions.

People reports:

Still, Stefani admits that she struggled to keep her size 4 figure even before her pregnancy. "I hate talking about it, but it's true," she says. "I've always been on a diet, ever since I was in the sixth grade. It's an ongoing battle and it's a nightmare. But I like clothes too much, and I always wanted to wear the outfits I would make." She adds with a laugh: "And I'm very vain."

She wants to be able to wear her line? Can't she, um, make some of the clothing a little bigger? We're always looking to designers to size up, in order to reflect the average woman--wouldn't this be a perfect opportunity to start?

The Tall Tale of Fat and Thin

In Fat Is a Feminist Issue, Susie Orbach elucidates our collective drive toward thinness:

We know that every woman wants to be thin. Our images of womanhood are almost synonymous with thinness. If we are thin we shall feel healthier, lighter and less restricted. Our sex lives will be easier and more satisfying. We shall have more energy and vigor. We shall be able to buy nice clothes and decorate our bodies, winning approval from our lovers, families, and friends. We shall be the woman in the advertisements who lives the good life; we shall be able to project a variety of images—athletic, sexy or elegant. We shall set a good example to our children. No doctors will ever again yell at us to take off the excess weight. We shall be admired. We shall be beautiful. We shall never have to be ashamed about our bodies, at the beach, in a store trying to buy clothes or in a tightly packed automobile. We shall be light enough to sit on someone’s knee and lithe enough to dance. If we stand out in a crowd it will be because we are lovely, not “repulsive.” We shall sit down in any position comfortably, not worrying where the flab shows. We shall sweat less and smell nicer. We shall feel good going to parties. We shall be able to eat in public without courting disfavor. We shall not have to make excuses for liking food.

Who, given this, wouldn’t want to be thin? It’s not surprising that, barring those who are naturally thin, every woman does have an eating disorder. But, what Orbach conveys with sarcasm and what likely any thin woman can tell you, is how little of this is true. Thin women are still concerned with how they look and smell; the images they project; approval from friends, family, and strangers; still feel tired, sexually dissatisfied, and ashamed of their bodies. And, they certainly, as they are culturally instructed to do, make excuses for their eating.

Embrace the Greys

During the course of conversation with someone recently, I mentioned I was on my way to the gym.

"Oh, you're going to the gym? You're so good."

No, I'm not so good. I'm not even "being good." What I'm doing, at best, is something that will make me feel good (I knew my 160-page thesis on the psychological effects of exercise would come in useful somewhere!)

Way too often, we're confronted with "good" and "bad" in this area. "I had a good day." "I was bad." Good foods, bad foods, good behaviors, bad. There is no good and bad. These are arbitrary distinctions designed to make us feel "good" or "bad," while simultaneously allowing us to avoid what may really be helping or hurting us. Every action, every relationship, every morsel of food contains both good and bad. Considering both sides of the equation may help us eventually discontinue those which aren't ultimately that helpful and increase the frequency of those that are.

We'll Always Have Paris

In a recent issue of Ok! Weekly, Nicole Richie addresses some of the circulating rumors about her. With regard to claims that she has an eating disorder, that she underwent gastric bypass surgery, and that she's using the stimulant Adderall to stay thin, Richie states: "It's sad because what I've come to realize from watching TV and reading magazines is that it's not me that's weight-obsessed, America's weight-obsessed. It's either, 'This person has an eating disorder,' or 'How to lose 5 pounds in 10 days.' Everything is about diet and body image."

While the jury may still be out on Richie's eating disorder history, she utters wise words about our culture's fixation on weight, about how our media vacillates between diagnosing celebrities and offering their diet tips for sale. Everything IS about diet and body image.

Perhaps Richie can use this slant in her advisory role as a counselor in a wellness camp, where "Do as I say, not as I do" has never be more apropos.

Spotted Around Town

At a tea house under a menu item for Chrystanthemum tea: "known as the lady's cup of tea as it has a calming effect relieving emotions of anger and frustrations"

At a Dairy Queen store: "Ice cream is meant to be an indulgence."

And, on a bus stop advertisement for a storage facility: "Your closet's tinier than a runway model's lunch."

More on Fat and Thin

I came across this video on You Tube recently and think it captures some of our discussions on "fat" and "thin," while offering some adovacy tips. Enjoy!

Shooting the Messenger

I attended an event this weekend at a classic hotel, a New York institution. When the waiter arrived for our drink orders, I asked, "Can I have a Coke, please?"

"Diet Coke?"

"No, regular." And, in a particular feisty mood, I added: "Do you think I should have Diet?"

"Oh, no, no. . . " he backpedaled.

Poor man. Here I am targeting all my frustrations about our body- and diet-obsessed culture on him, when he's just playing the odds.

Word Association

I'm curious about our associations to "fat" and "thin," as it seems, based on the propensity of eating disorders, messages about ther perils of being "overweight," and public agreement upon what a body "should" look like that most of us are operating under a similar premise: "fat" is "bad and "thin" is "good." (Dr. Freud would have a field day, btw, with the fact that I first typed "fat" is "good". . . Hmm.) But, beyond "good" or "bad," what do "fat" and "thin" connote?

While I hesitated to ask this question--at least in a public forum, in which certain associations might be perceived as hurtful--I decided that not acknowleding our associations does not make them go away and does nothing to understand their derivation or allow us, ultimately, to arrive at a place with beliefs that are less toxic to others and ourselves.

So, with this in mind, what's the first word (or words) that pop into your mind when considering "fat" and "thin" and why do you think this is the case?

NEDAW

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week (NEDAW), an event of the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), ended on March3rd. During the week, scores of events were held at schools, hospitals, fitness centers, and houses of worship, all designed to convey the message "Be Comfortable in Your Genes." As the Winter, 2007 issue of the NEDA newsletter, "Outlook" states:

Too often individuals struggle against their natural, genetically influenced size just to fit into that pair of "skinny jeans" in the back of their closets. Fighting your natural size and shape can lead to unhealthy dieting practices, poor body image and sometimes eating disorders. While you can adopt a healthy lifestyle and aim to be fit for your particular body type, you cannot change your genes.

As part of the NEDAW, NEDA introduced a number of challenges (see below) that we might attempt in order to move toward acceptance of our natural size. Yes, it's the week after NEDAW, but is this really a time-limited event? Which can you do?

1. Sign the National Eating Disorders Association’s Declaration of Independence from a Weight-Obsessed World to free yourself from the three D’s: Dieting, Drive for Thinness, and Body Dissatisfaction.

2. Celebrate Fearless Friday - A Day Without Dieting - and feel how empowering a diet-free day of self-acceptance can be!

3. Attend a workshop, presentation, lecture, or meeting in your community that will help you feel better about yourself. See the National Eating Disorders Association’s website, your local newspaper or campus calendar for events.

4. Use your voice to effect change: join the National Eating Disorders Association’s national media advocacy campaign to write letters of protest and praise to media, corporations and advertisers who promote negative or positive messages concerning body size, weight, dieting and eating disorders. Sign up via the web at http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/.

5. Consciously choose to avoid making comments about other people or yourself on the basis of body size or shape.

6. Compliment someone else for a skill, talent, or characteristic they have that you appreciate. Remind yourself that a person’s value is not determined by their shape or size.

7. Enjoy your favorite meal without feelings of guilt or anxiety over calories and fat grams.

8. Donate your jeans and other old clothes that no longer fit your body comfortably to charity. Someone else will appreciate them, and you won’t have to worry about the way they fit anymore.

9. Start each morning by looking in the mirror and saying something nice about yourself out loud.

10. Put away or throw away your bathroom scale.

11. Look through magazines and newspapers, ripping out advertisements, photos and articles that promote negative feelings about weight, body image and food. Talk back to the TV when you see or hear an ad that makes you feel dissatisfied with your body.

12. Read a book that lifts your self-esteem, promotes positive body image, encourages healthy living or helps you overcome stereotypes about social standards of beauty.

13. If you know someone who is struggling with an eating disorder, take the time to reassure them of your friendship and support for their recovery process.

14. Throw out all of the diet products in your house.

15. Remind yourself and others that It’s What’s Inside That Counts!

16. Become a member of the National Eating Disorders Association and join the effort to create a world where self-esteem is not weighed in pounds on a scale. Visit http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ or call (206) 382-3587 for more information.

(from the NEDA website)

Expanding Science

In Telegraph.co.uk article entitled, “Americans Are Getting Too Fat for X-Rays,” writer Harry Mount reports on a recent Radiology magazine feature. It seems that the nations’ expanding waistline is making it difficult to obtain accurate x-ray readings, either because patients cannot fit on or in radiological equipment (like x-rays, MRI machines, etc.), or because radiological waves are unable to penetrate patients’ fat.

As Mount writes, this can raise serious health concerns, if such medical problems as clots, tumors, and fractures are left undetected. The answer is, of course, to build machines that accommodate larger frames and to create more powerful radiological waves, able to penetrate fat. If we can design an artificial heart, perform entire surgeries through a microscopic needle, and successfully transport organs from one body to another, then surely we can design a larger MRI machine.

In a Cinch

In The Beauty Myth (2002), Naomi Wolf writes, “During the past decade, women breached the power structure; meanwhile, eating disorders rose exponentially and cosmetic surgery became the fastest-growing medical specialty. . . . We are in the midst of a violent backlash against feminism that uses images of female beauty as a political weapon against women’s advancement: the beauty myth.”

With this in mind, I began thinking about the relationship between feminism and our bodies, and a number of questions emerged: Can you be a true feminist and still want to dip below your natural weight? As women make unprecedented professional strides, are our bodies more prone to evaluation and scrutiny? Are we all tacit supporters of the unpublished truth that in order to be successful, you must be thin?

Considering the amount of mental energy we devote to judging/denigrating/whipping our bodies into shape, it’s amazing we have the resources to work, love, and raise kids. A friend in college once remarked, “If I could take all the time I’ve spent so far trying to lose weight and to manage my body hair. . .” The sentence was incomplete, but the implication clear—who knows what else she, at only 20 years old, or any of us could have accomplished? And, what cultural forces dictate that we focus on these concerns, at the expense of larger ones? What might happen, if our energies were to be unleashed?

I’m reminded of a holiday weight-control tip I found on prevention.com. The site offered: “For the duration of the holidays, wear your snuggest clothes that don't allow much room for expansion.” Reading this, I found myself cringing at the discomfort (physical and emotional) of constriction. And now, I find myself wondering, is a diet just a modern-day corset?

How Old Are You?

Kind of an odd question, I know. But, as I'm thinking about developing this project, which involves marketing the book, one question that arises is the age of my target reading audience. I'm trying, therefore, to get a sense of to whom my writing may appeal--women in their teens, 20s, 30's, 40's 50's, 60's, beyond?

So, if you don't mind, I'd love to hear how old you are (or in which bracket you fall). If you're not comfortable announcing this in a public forum, feel free to email me. Or, to approach it differently, do you have any idea as to which age brackets this blog/book may most effectively target? I'm curious about how appropriate both the content and writing style are for different age groups.

Thanks!

There's No Free Lunch

In a general psychotherapy group I lead, one patient asked, "Are you an eating therapist?" By this, she meant, "Am I allowed to eat in group?" The answer, for my groups, is yes (provided the munching is unobtrusive). I'm too much of a proponent of intuitive eating plans not to let a hungry person eat (though I might challenge this if it became a pattern). Some therapists, however, look at eating (in group or in individual therapy) as a sign of resistance--to eat is to avoid (usually emotions), and a prohibition of eating, therefore, encourages patients to tackle their reluctance head-on.

But, what about food choices at work, what you eat in front of colleagues and your boss?

In a New York Times article from the Sunday Styles section, wrter Abby Ellin takes us on a journalistic jaunt into eating at the workplace. In her article, "When the Food Critics Are Deskside," employers weigh in about their office policies and thoughts and feelings related to employee lunches. Should you go out or stay in? Entertain clients or nibble at your desk?

And, then what about WHAT you eat? It comes as no surprise that folks are judging our food choices and extrapolating to characterological conclusions. Ellin writes: "No matter how private you think it is, what you eat-and how much--sends telltale signals. People make assumptions about your character, whether you're driven (grilled salmon) or lazy (pepperoni pizza). " It might seem short-sighted, but we make these assumptions left and right. Everyone wants a disciplined politician, right?

But, sometimes it goes too far. According to the article, the most fastidious food critic may your pre-employment interviewer. Steven Viscusi, the owner of a headhunting firm in New York states: "'When I'm interviewing someone and I see their bones protruding, I know it's a good hire. "

Is Viscusi just stating the (typically) unstated--the fact that we all associate dieting and thinness with self-control, which we then associate with a host of other positive attributes? Might we allow a slender woman her pork fried rice, but expect cottage cheese (and, on a good day, a slice of fruit) from our heavy office mate? To me, it's alarming how food choices transcend the kitchen and enter our social psychology--a heuristic for assessing good and bad, right and wrong.

Did You Lose Weight?

Several months back, I had lunch with a friend, whom I hadn’t seen for a while. Walking out of the restaurant, my friend observed, “You look like you’ve lost weight." Lest I forget that thinness equals greatness, she continued, “You look great!” While I didn’t know if I had or hadn’t actually lost weight, her comments spurred an interesting internal dialogue: Wouldn’t it be really great if we didn’t have to have conversations about each other’s bodies? (Apparently, my friend isn’t up-to-date on this little project I’ve been working on.) And, if this isn’t possible, wouldn’t it be interesting if we could comment on people’s weight-gains and –losses with the same emotional valence? In this way, perhaps my friend could see me several months later, notice that I’ve put on a few pounds and offer, if she were to offer anything at all, “Looks like you’ve gained some weight,” and I, recognizing my weight as just one aspect of my appearance (which is just once aspect of who am I) and knowing that my weight and shape have absolutely no bearing on my happiness or success would be able to shrug off her comment as easily I did the last time.

More on the Perfect Body

From a print ad from Cotton Incorporated ("The Fabric of Our Lives"): "Nothing complements imperfect genes like the perfect jeans."

At the birth of a baby, most parents will focus on the baby's health, experiencing relief when genetic disorders, congenital conditions, etc. are ruled out. The baby has all its reflexes and 10 finger and toes? Perfect. So, why are "a few extra pounds" considered imperfect later on?

The Perfect Body

Perfection. It seems to me, it's an individual concept, subject to our personal ideas and whims.

The perfect partner.
The perfect home.
The perfect job.
The perfect night out.

Chances are, we're likely to find a large degree in variation in our responses. You prefer an upscale condo, I like simple on the beach. You like steady/stable, I like uncertainty and change.

Why, then, do so many of us agree upon the perfect body?

Pushy, Overweight Women (and Other Stereotypes)

Seen the trailer for the movie Norbit? New York magazine summarizes for us: "In the recently rejuvenated Oscar nominee Eddie Murphy's latest comedy, he dons a fat suit yet again to play (opposite himself) an overweight, pushy woman who forces him into marriage."

You didn't really think that an overweight woman could land a man on his own volition, did ya?