Tyra Today

Thanks to my alert readers who informed me that The Tyra Show will be covering "The Vagina Dialogues" (yes, that's what she called it, too!) If you have some time (or a DVR), check it out!

Eight Things

Inspired by April's challenge, posed here--Eight Things I Like About My Body:

1) My height
2) My large, expressive eyes
3) My strength (the look and function of muscles)
4) The softeness of my hair
5) My big, white smile, used somewhat judiciously
6) My (word of the day) countenance, capable of conveying almost every emotion, sans words
7) My walking stride, which is unintentially "bouncy," allowing me to appear quite peppy
8) My solid legs, which have held up, with minor exceptions, the last few months and which I hope will send me sailing on Sunday!

Now, your turn. What are your eight things?

Not Another Teen (Short) Movie

Recently, a reader sent me an email about a short film her daughters had produced:

My three teenage daughters made this movie. When they had to come up with a story I was surprised that this was on their mind. It's a short movie (2.5 minutes) about a girl and her decision to stand up against the onslaught of marketing messages that pressure girls to change their bodies. It's meant to help start a discussion on the subject of eating disorders. If you think it is appropriate could you pass this on to other people, if the film receives enough votes to place it in the top 25 vote getters it will be placed on iTunes so everyone can get this message. You can go to www.rustsisters.com to learn more about the film and find a link to the apple website to view the movie and vote. If they win they will get some laptop computers and software for movie making so they do benefit from publicity, but having said that I still think that the short movie turned out as a good conversation starter, it certainly did for me and my daughters and maybe it might make someone else realize that they might be following the same destructive path.

You can check out the Rust sisters' site as well as watch the movie here. Let me know what you think. . .

The Vagina Dialogues

Today, I'd like to talk about your vagina. All of ours, in fact.

Of course, we probably shouldn't say that.

In an article in the Style section in this past weekend's New York Times, Stephanie Rosenbloom examines the acceptance of the newly introduced slang, "vajayjay."

Cute, huh?

It appeared on Grey's Anatomy. It's tossed around casually between friends. Hell, Oprah used it!

But, there's a little bit of a problem here, I think. Yes, it's catchy, playful, even F.C.C.-friendly, but, more than anything, it's avoidant. And it connotes that our vaginas are. . . not so acceptable to us (or anyone else).

It seems, according to the article, that the folks at Grey's were forced into vajayjay territory after using the word vagina one too many times in an episode script. Apparently, there's a limit to the number of times you can say vagina on tv (which, incidentally, appears to be lower than the number of times you can say penis), and thus vajayjay was introduced into our current zeitgeist.

Which saves us, thankfully, from having to utter vagina. Or worse, yet, vulva, labia, or clitoris.

But, the less we say these words, the more problems we introduce. The Times quotes Eve Ensler, of "The Vagina Monologuea" years back: "'. . . what we don't say becomes a secret, and secrets often create shame and fear andmyths.'" Ensler refers to vagina as a word "'that stirs up anxiety, awkwardness, contemmpt and disgust.'" Kinda makes me want to say vagina, over and over again, in a classic exposure paradigm. Given that Ensler's work focused largely on sexual trauma, I'm also wondering the effect that cutsey words like vajayjay have on women's sexual rights.

My doctoral dissertation focused on sexual communiation, conversations prospective partners have with one another about sex. The upshot is that people are much more comfortable having sex than talking about it. This doesn't bode so well for protecting ourselves against sexual assault, disease transmission, etc. Vajayjay is just another way out from having to face the truth.

And, what about how acceptance of our vaginas is linked to overall acceptance of our bodies? It reminds me of a talk radio episode I heard several years back while on the way to work. The topic was some variation of eating disorders/body image in young girls, and the discussion focused on how parents (mothers, in particular), in an effort to encourage body acceptance, should teach their daughters about "down there." What? Down where? We should be teaching our daughters about their vaginas! Because, if we avoid the words (and therefore, the topic), they will, too. I'm with Dr. Carol Livoti, an ob-gyn quoted in the article, who states: "'It's time to start calling anatomical organs by their anatomical names. We should be proud of our bodies.'"

We should. And, we shouldn't be reduced to calling a part of our body something different, something more acceptable to others. Because the more likely we are to do that, the more likely we are to feel the need to mold other parts of our anatomy, our thinking, feelings, and behavior, to others' expectations.

So, here's to your vagina, the glory of your vulva and all it's parts, because it's one aspect of our anatomy, that simply by using its given name, we can make significant strides toward sexual empowerment and body acceptance. And, that's a large part of why we're all here. . . .

Stories: Part III

Posted with permission. . .

I remember using food to comfort myself from the time I was a small child. I had (have?) father issues, I could go on and on here but I won't. When I was 19 my step dad was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. I had been working out and making healthy dietary changes, but over time as my life seemed to spin more and more OUT of my control, I tightened the reigns on my eating and exercise. Very textbook, though I had no idea what was happening at the time. I thought I was simply "being healthy". At 5'5" I dropped from 145 pounds (a healthy weight for my height!) to 88 pounds and 5.5% bodyfat. I remember the day my weight read under 100 pounds. I couldn't believe it, it was very surreal, almost like a dream (nightmare?). But I didn't know what to do; I still wasn't satisfied with my body, I couldn't stop working out or carefully measuring my food, planning all my meals, counting calories... I was TRAPPED. I lost a handful of "friends", the love of my life... I shut out the real world so that I could maintain this strict, regimented lifestyle. This lasted for about 4 years. What a sad, dark, black hole in my life.

After about a year of nutritional therapy, when I was 23, I began to gain weight. I don't know how else to put it... when I say that something just CLICKED, like a switch being shut off, I mean it. Something finally gave and like THAT I was bingeing, something AWFUL. I couldn't focus in college, all I thought about was hitting up the vending machine for junk that I hadn't let myself have in literally years. My stomach was always horribly distended and bloated... the skin on my belly, hips and thighs was always SORE from stretching at such a rapid pace... in a matter of months, maybe 9 or 10 months, I gained over 100 pounds. I finally topped out at 205 pounds. I could not stop eating and with each bite I hated myself more and more. Again, I was stuck in a cycle that I didn't know how to stop.

I finally got a grip (somewhat) and am back to 145 pounds, but I stay here with rigid "dieting" throughout the week (6 small meals of veggies, protein and fruit each day) and inevitably bingeing my brains out on the weekend. I always say oh, I won't binge this weekend. I'm doing so well! It is the worst feeling ever to not be able to have just one cookie without it sending me into a total downward spiral of carb coma madness. It's shameful. It's not healthy. I'm always striving for something better, always telling myself that life REALLY starts once I'm a size 6 or 4 (I'm currently an 8/10)... I'll pursue my dreams/take that class/decorate the house/BE HAPPY once I reach a certain size or my body fat drops past a certain level. IT IS INSANE. And I ask you, why? WHY? Why does this make sense to me, why have I WASTED 27 years trying to fit that mold? FOR WHAT? I am the only one that really cares. I have a wonderful family, a loving husband, an amazing 2-year old boy, a great job... life is good. But it would always be BETTER if I could lose 10 or 15 pounds.

So yesterday I came across your blogs (editor's note: mine and Margaux's, Size Ate). I read through them during every minute of my free time. I'm missing out on life. Why not eat what I want? Go have lunch with my coworkers, order something that sounds delicious, eat slowly, enjoy everything the meal has to offer, leave feeling satisfied but not stuffed, and without that pesky internal calorie counter that just won't quit. I have an established exercise regime that I enjoy... I LOVE working out, love to move my body... but within reason. It's food that is my issue. And it has got to stop. I have got to stop obsessing. Every day I thank GOD for not giving me a baby girl. She'd be a total mess from the start. And my boy deserves better than a mom who looks at life as something that happens between unenjoyable protein and carb balanced mini-meals. How fucking sick is that?

There's so much more to it all than I've said here. Just know that I am going to FIGHT to get my life back. It's scary, I haven't listened to my internal hunger signals in YEARS... or ever? I know it won't be easy, but given that my other option is to STAY IN THE HELL I AM IN NOW, I'll take my chances and give it my all. I have nothing to lose! (Well, I could make a joke here but I won't. Sheesh.)

I'm finally getting to the point where I truly believe that it really isn't about food at all. Friends and family were (are?) aware, and lots of the questions I asked myself in my email to you were prompted by things that were said on your site. Let me tell you, years of therapy and two Geneen Roth books later I was STILL struggling, and your site is what FINALLY crossed me over to the other side. I just ate a bowl of raisin bran with soy milk. I love raisin bran. I haven't LET myself eat cereal in YEARS (but I sure have binged on it!). When I'm done I will move on with my day, ready to face whatever is thrown at me. And guess what? I didn't gain 100 pounds from letting myself have a bowl. Who knew? Freedom = an allowed, calmly eaten bowl of rasin bran.

No Escape

In 13 short days, I'll be working as a psychologist on the "psyching team" at the New York City marathon, helping runners relax, cope with pre-race jitters, etc. Just a couple hours after that, I'll cross the starting line myself, setting out to run my second 26.2.

I've been doing most of my training indoors (at the gym), in the name of injury prevention. What's interesting to me, and why I bring up running in the first place, is the assortment of comments I've received. Of course, no one knows I'm a psychologist; no one knows about my blog. Here are a couple of my exchanges:

1) During one long(er) run, I wore yoga pants, in the name of comfort. Boy, was I wrong. Yoga pants are made for yoga, not for running, silly! My comfortable yoga pants kept falling down, and I spent the majority of my run pulling them up, like a bridesmaid tugging at her strapless dress. At one point, I announced this to my treadmill neighbor (who is often my treadmill neighbor, and with whom I've become friendly over time). "My pants keep falling down," I complained.

"That's a good thing!" she congratulated me.

Why is that a good thing? My pants keep falling down!

2) A couple of weeks ago, I did my longest training run (again indoors). In the elevator down to the locker room (because, yes, I take the elevator at the gym, particularly after running 20 miles), a guy pointed to my sweaty head and asked, "Did you just work out?" (There's a pool at the gym, so he seemed to be wondering if the soakage was sweat or chlorinated water from a swim).

"Yeah, I just ran 20 miles," I replied proudly.

"Wow!" he exclaimed. And then a moment later: "If you keep that up, you'll lose lots of weight."

Thanks, buddy.

In Light of Our Recent Animal Ethics Discussion. . .

Thoughts about the intended message here?

Just Like Glitter

Newsflash: Mariah Carey's lost some weight. Again. This comes after she gained some weight. Again.

In an OK magazine article titled, "Mariah: How I Got Thin," we learn that Mariah has last almost 30 pounds in the last seven months. Her secret? No, no, it's not her forkful diet again. This time, Mariah's lost the weight by reportedly "eating a plain diet of soup and fish, following a strict workout plan and--most importantly--by not stressing about how her body looks."

Does that sentence even make sense? The article is full of contradictions like this--if you're not stressing about how your body looks, then why are you eating what she reports is her own words as a "bleak diet" and stating, "'I still feel like I have a ways to go, but it is what it is. . . . It does feel good when you get into a nice size three and you're like, "It feels big in here." We should all embrace who are are physically.'" Mixed messages much? And, what's a size three, anyway?

Her trainer, Patricia, says that Mariah's workouts depend on her daily intake: "'If she's serious about the food, then she doesn't have to work out that much.'" Besides sounding like an entry to exercise bulimia, isn't this statement just flat out wrong? Shouldn't a personal trainer be promoting exercise across the board?

Mariah says of Patricia: "'I love her. But sometimes, she can be very strict. If I want a little snack, I know if Patricia's in the kitchen, she's going to give me something really bleak to eat, so I don't even bother going downstairs. I just send somebody else to get something for me and sneak it up!'" Sneaking food when deprived--another pathway to an eating disorder.

"'I like flavor in my life. I don't just want chicken stock and zucchini and carrots and call it a day. Patricia will also give me fish and chicken." Well, thank goodness for that. My concern, as you can see, is that the "every woman" who reads this type of article doesn't even stop to realize how flat-out wrong it is--how the messages contained within promote (clearly) yo-yo dieting and (with a little more subtlety) eating disordered thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. And then there's Dr. Jackowski. . .

In the article, "body image expert," Dr. Edward Jackowski, comments on one of Mariah's shots: "'Her upper body and stomach look good in this photo. She can carry more weight because she's got the wide shoulders and boobs to support it.'" Um, why is a doctor using the word, "boobs"? (Plus, what's a body image expert? Wasn't that akin to my new title? ; ))

Dr. Jackowski, who earned his Doctorate in Behavioral Management from the International University for Graduate Studies, is well-known for classifying us into four body types (it's not just apples and pears, anymore, ladies). Think you're a professional? A wife? A mother? A functional member of society? Uh-uh. You're a spoon. Or an hourglass, a ruler, or cone. Now, carry on, as your intended shape. Me? Looks like I require a trip to the ice cream shoppe. ; )

Joy Nash, At it Again

Thanks to an anonymous reader who shared Ms. Nash's most recent gem. . .

Title Me This

I know it's not true. But, if you've read my intro, you know that I really don't think we all have eating disorders, but some sort of disordered eating or body image concern. Not everyone. Maybe not you. But most of us. And that was the original point.

Plus, as I've mentioned before, the title was meant to be provocative. It's also kinda catchy, I think. It's the kind of title I'd pick up at Barnes & Noble because, apparently, I DO judge a book by it's cover.

But, some of your feedback has led me to believe it's not the best title. It could be off-putting, it reflects poorly on women, etc. A publisher I had hoped to work with originally said she loved the title. When she met with the rest of her staff, they ended up rejecting the project. One of the reasons she offered? The title. They felt that most women would not be willing to pick up the book, be seen with it, etc.

Recently, I've thought about: "EWHAED. . . or Something Like it." What are your thoughts? (on this or other possible titles)

Without using this title, how can I capture my premise, attract an audience, and still incite debate and contemplation?

Any other ideas?

A Relative Plus Size

As you can clearly see from the photo above, America's Next Top Model has again included a plus-sized model in its cast for cycle 9.

Which one is she, you ask? C'mon. . . It's Sarah!




Here's Sarah during her rock-climbing shoot. Tyra? Are you there? The only thing plus-sized about this woman are her heels!



Kinda makes you just want to throw your hands up and surrender. . . But then, along comes Dove, with its latest marketing campaign:




I
love
Dove.

Mirror, Mirror

Often, women with body image issues will use the mirror the way they use the scale, for frequent, instantaneous feedback on the value of their self-worth. Stomach look flat enough? Check. Hips look too wide? Devastation.

A number of writers in the eating disorders field encourage mirror exercises, in which you expose yourself to your reflection (first clothed, then, for the more advance, naked) as a way to address negative body image. Jane Hirschmann and Carol Munter, of Overcoming Overeating and When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies (see sidebar) call the exercise "mirror work" and suggest you stand in front of the mirror and make non-judgmental statements about your body. "My arms look big." Judgment. "Here, the angle of my legs increases." Non-judgment. The goal is to engage only in non-judgmental statements about your body. If you can't, slowly back away from the mirror. . . and try again another time.

Thomas Cash, in the The Body Image Workbook writes about "mirror desensitization." The term "desensitization" is borrowed from behavioral psychology. Usually used with phobias, psychologists will encourage patients to expose themselves to their phobic stimuli, with the idea that with time and exposure, anxiety will fade. Afraid of spiders? Hang out with one for an hour. Scared of elevators/heights/subways/crowds/rats? Come to New York!

With mirror desensitization, the idea is create a "Ladder of Body Areas," in which you rank a number of your body parts on a satisfaction hierarchy--the part or parts of your body that you're most satisfied with go on the bottom, while those you detest the most go up top. Once you've done this, you're ready to face the mirror.

Stand in front of your mirror and begin by looking at a particular body part that doesn't cause you much distress to view--maybe even a part of your body you like. Breathe. Relax. Think pleasant thoughts. Then, according to Cash, go to a body part that causes a bit more discomfort for you. Look at the body part for a full minute. Shut your eyes and relax. Cash encourage readers, systematically, to work their way up their "Ladder of Body Areas" until they reach the top (i.e., the part of your body you find most difficult to view). Does this happen immediately? Of course not. Mirror desensitization will usually take multiple sessions--do a couple of body parts at at time. If you can't relax, breathe, and avoid judgment, stay at that particular rung until you can.

Hard work? Potentially. Impossible? Not at all. The goal is to work your way toward what I call "mirror indifference." You can look or not; it doesn't matter. You don't feel the need to pause at every mirror you see. Your reflection says nothing about who you are, and a mirror, is, after all, just a piece of broken glass.

*Yes, the picture of the broken mirror above is mine; no, I didn't do it purposely. ; )

Summer Love

I gotta say, lately, I've been digging Justin Timberlake. Not in a rob-the-cradle, rock-your-body, kinda way, but more because he likes his women sexy. Recently, he's been choosing leading ladies with flesh. With curves. With a little bit of meat on their still-thin frames.

Have you seen his HBO special? (Sadly,) I was struck by his choice of back-up dancers. In my sporadic viewing of the show, I didn't see one skin-on-bones dancer. Granted, the ladies' pelvic-gyrating, crotch-bearing poses weren't necessarily an advertisement for feminism per se, but at least their bodies were as solid as their performance.

Scarlett Johansson? Jessica Biel? His romantic choices reflect the same attraction to a healthy female physique. JT, single-handedly bringing sexy back. . .

Come Here Often?

Sunday, after brunch with the girls, we headed out for a stroll downtown, when we happened across a cute boutique. The outdoor sales rack lured us in, and soon enough, I headed toward the back of the store with my clothing possibilities in tow.

The salesman called out, "Everyone decent?" before he drew back the curtains.

You know what that means, right?

Communal dressing room!

I entered and found a couple of women inside. I tried on several items and found a dress I adore. But, that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is that there was a woman in her early 20s directly across the room, which put her about three feet away from me. She wore a long sweater with a pair of skinny jeans and she called to her friend outside, "The jeans aren't working."

I happened to like the jeans. Now, I'm not one to work when I'm not working. But, there was something about seeing her in clear view--this wasn't just something overheard in the next fitting room stall--I could see the girl! And, so I made a conscious decision to be Stacey, not Dr. Stacey, when I said, simply, "They look nice."

"Yeah, but I have runner's thighs," she said.

"Uh-huh."

"And this makes them look worse."

She looked at me inquistively, expecting some sort of reaction in return.

Uh-oh. What do I do? Stacey. . . Dr. Stacey. . . Stacey. . . Dr. Stacey. I went witht the Dr., because, you see, the thing is, we're one in the same. We have the same principles, the same voice, and the same difficulty in keeping our mouth shut when it comes to women and our bodies.

"Well, I'm actually a psychologist, and quite interested in body image, so I'm not going to agree with you on that one." We laughed and exchanged names. (I feel the need to say that I said the above statement with a smile, because I don't want to come off sounding like the psychology police. . . even though, apparently, I am.)

"Hey," she yelled out to her friend. "There's a body image consultant in here!"

"Well, I'm not a body image consultant [whatever that is], but I am a psychologist, and I do a lot of work with eating disorders and body image." At one point, my friend wandered in, also a psychologist. "Now there are two of us," I told my new communal dressing room friend (NCDRF) with a sinister smile.

Her friend joined us shortly. NCDRF said to her, "See, don't they look awful?" But the thing was, she looked at me, when asking the question. "Terrible, I said snidely, "You should probably start starving yourself tomorrow." (And yet again, I feel the need to reinforce the fact that I was joking--I was amplifying her irrationality to make a point--but that's the Dr. talking. No, I don't really think anyone should start starving herself tomorrow. . . including you.)

We commented on the psychology of the communal dressing room experience. "I probably should just have a seat and set up shop," I joked.

"Yeah, do you have a card?" she asked with a smile. I couldn't tell if she was joking or not. "No, I'm kinda serious here--do you have a card? It's probably something I should look into."

I handed her my card. "Well, now that you've seen me naked, I imagine it would make things much more comfortable."

Again, we laughed and eventually parted ways, agreeing that this qualified as one of the best ever fitting room stories.

It's Not Me; It's You

In Life Without Ed, writer and eating-disorder sufferer, Jenni Schaefer, crafts a declaration of independence from her disorder, which she cleverly anthropomorphizes to be, just, "Ed." In it, she declares:

Jenni, therefore, solemnly publishes and declares that she is free and independent; that she is absolved from all allegiance to Ed, that all connection between Ed and her ought to be totally dissolved, and that as a free and independent woman she has the full power to eat, live in peace, and to do all other acts and things which independent people do.

Our version? The break-up letter? Ever broken up with someone via letter, email, or text? Now's your chance (and trust me, you'll need more room than a post-it note provides). You'll need to explain why you're ending this (potentially) seemingly good relationship. Your task: write a letter to your scale, your mirror, your calorie-counting conscience, the part of you that mentally and physically abuses YOU, that causes YOU to restrict or binge, that causes YOU to hate your body, which is also part of YOU, and that has likely been doing this for years, obscuring the real YOU, and preventing YOU from being as independent, happy, and fulfilled as YOU deserve to be.

Dump him. He wasn't that good of a kisser, anyway.

You Better Shape Up

September's issue of Shape magazine beckons us with the following headline: "The #1 Weight-Loss Secret--Do This & You Will Drop Pounds."

A quick visit to page 232 of the monthly reveals the treasured secret, which likely enticed thousands of readers.

But, I'm not going to share, because you really should by the magazine.

Just kidding. I'm not going to share, because to do so would be to support and promote our societal obsession with weight loss, which clearly doesn't fall under my mission statement.

Alright, fine, I'll tell you, but only because I laughed out loud when I opened to 232. Here, a two-page spread reveals--"The secret to Weight Loss? Calories" followed by the statement, "The truth is, all diets boil down to a simple formula--eating fewer calories than you burn."

This is it, ladies, groundbreaking journalism at its finest. Make sure you pick up your copy today.

An Interview with Leslie Goldman

Last week, I had the opportunity to interview Leslie Goldman, author of Locker Room Diaries: The Naked Truth about Women, Body Image, and Re-Imagining the "Perfect" Body (see sidebar). Leslie's 31, a professional journalist, and holds a Master's in Public Health--she also writes a blog at iVillage called, The Weighting Game. As I mentioned earlier, I had read and enjoyed LR Diaries and found it incredibly serendipitous that Leslie had found and read my blog and was contacting me to discuss collaborating. At Leslie's suggestion, we decided to do a cross-interview to post on our respective sites.

As Leslie's in Chicago, our interview occurred via phone. Immediately, I was struck by her interpersonal ease, her warmth, sincerity, and sense of humor. If she were in New York, I'd love to have her as a friend.

At the end, I picked her brain about the publishing world--this is a woman who, at very young age, has published numerous magazine articles, and who (especially admirable and inspiring to me), managed to publish a book. My interview with her appears below. For the questions she posed to me, check out her blog today.

You mention in the prologue to your book that you struggled with anorexia. How did you recover? Is there still a pull toward eating-disordered thoughts, feelings, and behaviors?

I had an eating disorder in college—it was a very kind of cliché ED: I was the straight-A, perfectionist, eager-to-please young woman who goes off to college and freaks out and develops and eating disorder to cope with it, to cope with this new dis-order in her world. I lost a significant amount of weight; not so much that the fashion world would be appalled, but enough that I looked horrible. In terms of recovery, I got better physically within my freshman year, gaining most of the weight back. . . but it wasn’t until, I’d say, my junior year that I started looking deeper and realizing it wasn’t just about food—that it was so much more.

I do view eating disorders kind of like alcoholism—it’s a coping mechanism—you can get through it and live a healthy life, but it’s always there, it’s always something that you have to think about, like "I can’t go back there." I’m not going to say that I don’t think about food or working out or my body today, but I know I can’t and won't go back to what I was like—I have too full of a life to let that happen.

Why do you think The Scale has such an influence on women?

I think that that number is something tangible for women to grab onto, and kind of identify with, and measure themselves against. . . I actually just wrote about this today on my blog—I remember when I was writing my book, I interviewed a woman who said, "At 114, I feel skinny and beautiful; at 118, I feel fat." And this is a smart, educated lawyer. But this isn’t about being smart. So many of us are smart, educated—it’s about the weight-obsessed world we live in. . . and you read about the celebrities, and you think, "That’s what I need to do to be successful." There are so many women who get on the scale, and that number rules their day. It can make or break their day. You can see women get on the scale, and if they’re unhappy, they’ll slump. They’ll take off their flip flops or towel to try to lose that extra quarter pound.

Were women in the locker room generally approachable?

I found that women were approachable when I explained what I was doing and when I explained that I had had an eating disorder. When I revealed my past struggles, it made me more approachable. But some chapters were more difficult that others. The chapter on obesity was very difficult—I found a lot of my sources through blogs or friends of friends. You can tell when a woman’s open: There was a woman sitting on the ground, breastfeeding her daughter, I could tell that she was at peace with her body by the dreamy smile on her face and she just seemed like on open soul.

A lot of my research took the form of observation—I did a lot of looking and listening. I did worry when the book came out that people would think I was spying on them. But that was not the case. I wasn’t judging them. I was doing it more from an anthropological standpoint. If I did talk to women, I always got their permission.

How much female-female competition did you encounter?

It’s everywhere, and not just in the locker room. If you just watch, you’ll see women using glances, looking each other up and down. You can just see the thought bubble over their head, "Thank God she has a big butt," or, "Oh, she has cellulite, too" or "I wish my boobs were like hers." There’s already enough competition and self-loathing. I think women should be joining together and supporting each other. Another example was women watching each other get on the scale—one woman would get on and other women would wring their necks, trying to see.

Are you comfortable naked in the locker room?

Yes (laughs). I walk around, usually with a towel around my waist. I certainly don’t rush, rush, rush when the towel drops to get my underwear on. I will say one of the really interesting things I learned while writing the book on the chapter on ethnicity. Some of the women who worked in the locker room were raised in a culture that was much more modest. One woman said she couldn’t believe that women were walking around naked, bending over. I did start covering up, in some ways, as a matter of respect, but there are parts of me (my arms, my stomach) that I’m particularly happy with and proud of and I so I don't mind walking around topless or in a bra.

How do you think your book would have been different if you were a male journalist hanging out in the men’s locker room?

(laughs) I probably would have gotten in my share of fights - I don’t think most men would take to a man with a pad and a pen. But, from what I hear from men, their locker room is much different. They take much greater offense to men walking around naked. The younger men are always complaining about the older men walking around naked. I don’t think men have the same pressures women have. . . . I think men must look at each other to see what’s normal.

We both attended weight-loss support group meetings for research purposes. What was your experience like? How did you leave there feeling?

So, I attended a Weight Watchers group, and I was a bit troubled by what happened. I had a similar experience to you—many people were a normal weight—maybe they got there by attending the meetings. But I felt there was a lot of sadness. When the moderator would ask people to share, one man mentioned he had had gravy on his chicken, and I was sitting behind him and it was like he was going to cry, so I wanted to cry. The whole thing seemed cult-like, but so many people have had wonderful experiences with it, and I really can’t be one to judge. Maybe for him, it was very freeing to talk about his "dietary slip ups." And then of course, there’s the whole weigh-in aspect where they weigh you in behind the curtain. And, I have a problem getting on the scale and tying your self-worth to a number. For some people, the number can be motivating.

Did you get weighed at the meeting?

No. I was a first time visitor. No one pressured me or anything like that.

You speak of differences in body image based on culture. How do you think socio-economic status factors into the mix?

I do think that it has to do with socio-economic status. I think that regardless of your racial or ethnic background, the more money you have, the more access to things you have (health club memberships, fat free foods, fashion magazine subscriptions), things that pave the way toward exercising or eating [problems]. I do think also that different cultures appreciate different body types in different ways. But that’s not to say that Black women don’t get eating disorders or Indian women don’t get eating disorders, because they do.

How would you recommend mothers introduce their daughters to the locker room?

You know, I see mothers and daughters all the time in the locker room, and I see things that are positive moves, and I see things that make me cringe. I think, first of all, don’t introduce the scale into the equation. Just pretend it’s not even there. . . . I think it’s great when women are showering to talk [to their kids] about what they did at school that day or what they did at camp ("I heard you were great in archery").

Do not point out flaws in your own body. Make a concerted effort not to grimace at your body as you look in the mirror, or as you tweeze your eye brows. Allow them to explore, "Do you want to dry you hair?" "Do you want to comb it?" "Do you want to try getting dressed all by yourself?" Or, if they’re at the appropriate age, "Do you want to try to open the lock this time?" "Do you remember the combination?" Don’t focus on looking at yourself in the mirror. Make it a time when the two of you can have mother-daughter time and not a body-bashing session.

What’s your take on dieting?

I don’t even know if I can answer that. It’s so different for so many people. If you’re trying to lose some weight, dieting can be a helpful tool. I’m trying to think of a way to put it succinctly—I think dieting can be a useful tool if you’re working with a doctor or a nutritionist, but I think it can become an obsession for many people. But, I think there’s no reason to live your life on a perpetual diet, to live your life obsessed with every single calorie. There’s a fine balance. . . .

Some of my readers pointed out that your blog does not always champion health at every size. Any comments on this?

It’s so interesting, because people on my blog will say basically that I am too much on the pro-size acceptance front. I’ll be blogging about dancers in their 200s [weight], or just recently I blogged about the triathlete who weighs 300 pounds. . . or getting upset at my gym because they were playing a song that was derogatory toward heavy people. Readers sometimes will think, [these people are] overweight, why are you advocating it? I posted a quote by [the actress] Mo’Nique about being happy at any size on [another blog], and I got blasted. I also get a lot of comments about my own weight—"Well, you’re thin, why should I listen to you?" It’s like, why should my weight have anything to do with what I say? Or, they forget that I have had an eating disorder, have had my own struggles, am not immune to their comments. I’m just at a comfortable weight for me.

Is there a follow-up to Locker Room Diaries in the works?

Right now, I’m focusing on full-time magazine writing. I would love to write another book, but nothing has hit me in the same way that Locker Room Diaries did. That idea struck me right in the gym. It was so obvious. Every time I was at the gym, I could not escape hearing women talk about their bodies. I know that my next book will be focused on women, maybe not about body image, but it’ll be women-centered for sure.

Toxic

By now, you must certainly have heard about Britney Spears' recent performance at the MTV VMA's. And, I'm sure you've heard how horrifically overweight she appeared.

If not, see for yourself:



As you can tell, Britney, whose abdomen has raised more concern than the number of our troops remaining in Iraq, is clearly a candidate for gastric bypass surgery.

Call her a has been.

Call her a fashion disaster.

Call her an alcohol or substance abuser.

Call her a potentially (I'm being careful here) unfit mother.

But, please, please, don't call her fat.

How Not to Win Friends

The scene: sitting at a restaurant bar with a colleague I just met discussing a project we'll be working on together. The US Open plays on the television above us. . . .

The colleague: a sixty-something-year-old male, who does not specialize (to my awareness) in eating disorders

The dialogue: I mention, at some point, my interest in eating disorders and the book I'm currently writing. Conversation shifts and then returns to the book. He's curious what underlies the problem. "So, why do you think EWHAED?", he asks. I go through my typical spiel, the whole cultural piece, our societal obsession with thinness, how women are valued most for their looks and even more so for their bodies, yada, yada, yada. . . .

He draws my attention to the television screen, where Serena Williams sports one of her usual flashy get-ups. "Now, she's not thin," he says.

"Well, I might not call her skinny, but she's solid. She's pure muscle, and she's certainly thinner than the average American woman."

"She is?" he asks, seemingly surprised.

I provide him some stats on the average American woman (AAW), which last I checked (and this could be slightly different now) has the AAW coming in at 144 pounds.

"144?", he exclaims. "That's fat!"

"See, you're the problem."

Questions, Please. . .

Next week, Leslie Goldman, author of the Locker Room Diaries: The Naked Truth About Women, Body Image, and Re-Imagining the "Perfect" Body (see sidebar) and the iVillage blog, The Weighting Game, and I will cross-interview each other via phone.

I'd like to gather some questions from you, from those who have read her book (or blog), or others who might have related questions from the self-proclaimed "women's health writer" who focuses on diet and body image. So, if you have any questions for Leslie, let me know. . . either include here as a comment or email me directly.