Wednesday, April 05, 2017

Am I Sick Enough?

An idea that's been surfacing recently in my work is, "I don't think I'm sick enough to have an eating disorder" or its cousin, "I didn't think I was sick enough to get help."

If you're wondering if you're sick enough to get help, the answer is yes. If you think that you're not, sick enough, it's a good idea to check this out with a professional. The answer might still be yes.

People will say to me, "I didn't think it was that bad because I was eating." Here's the thing: everyone with eating disorders eats. People who don't eat die.

Or they'll say, "I didn't think I was skinny enough to be sick." Let me be clear with this one - eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes. The severity of the disorder is not determined by weight but by how damaged your body, mind, and spirit are as a result of your behavior and beliefs (which are influenced by diet culture, societal weight stigma, etc.)

     If you restrict your food, often go hungry, and don't eat what you want, you're sick enough.

     If you dislike your body and this causes you distress, you're sick enough.

     If your perceived value is tied to your weight, you're sick enough.

     If you think that you need to do something to compensate for what you eat, you're sick enough.

     If you think about food much of the day (e.g., beyond meal planning or anticipating some
     restaurants or foods you like to try, you're sick enough.

     If you stare at your body in the mirror in disgust, you're sick enough.

     If you don't listen to your body and give it what it needs, you're sick enough.

     If you use food to cope or numb or just to get through this difficult world, you're sick enough.

     And if you compare yourself to another disordered eater and think, "I'm not sick enough," you're        sick enough.


You can find Does Every Woman Have an Eating Disorder? Challenging Our Nation's Fixation with Food and Weight on Amazon (as a paperback and Kindle) and at BarnesandNoble.com





Wednesday, February 22, 2017

3 Things to Do Following a Binge

Let's face it - most people aren't feeling so great after a binge. Whether it's physical discomfort or the mental and emotional experience of guilt, frustration, or self-attack, the moments (or hours) following a binge can be rather unpleasant. But there are some things you can do to reduce your distress, as well as the incidence of future binge episodes.

1) Engage in self-care. What do you need to do to make yourself more comfortable? Would it help to lie down? Change your clothes? Might anything help settle your stomach? Is there something you can do that is emotionally soothing - maybe read a book, draw, or watch a favorite program? This is not the time to berate yourself. All you need to do is give yourself the same care you would a friend who told you she wasn't feeling well.

2) Stay on track with future meals and snacks. There's a tendency to want to restrict future intake following a binge. Some of it might be that you're still feeling full, while a large part might be motivated by trying to compensate for overeating. But doing that will continue the restriction/binge cycle, so committing to your next meal or snack is a big part of recovering from a binge.

3) Get curious. With a non-judgmental, observational approach, examine what some of the factors were that might have contributed to the binge. Did you let yourself get too hungry? Were you consciously (or inadvertently) restricting your intake earlier in the day or week? Were you feeling certain feelings that you wanted to escape? Was there a particular trigger that set off this behavior? Knowing some of the contributing factors for your binge eating can help you plan more effectively for the future. You might start carrying snacks with you so that you never get too hungry. You might work on recognizing challenging emotions as they creep up and find more effective ways of coping with them. Again, conducting a postmortem of the behavior is best done from an investigative, uncritical stance. Also focus on what you did well in this scenario. Despite how challenging an episode might have been, there's usually something you can identify that you did well. Did you tolerate an urge for a period of time (even briefly) before giving in to the feeling? Were you mindful at all during the binge? Did you practice self-compassion after the fact? There's usually something you can identify that is reason to reinforce. Your goal in this step is to learn more about yourself so you can build upon your strengths and continue to address behaviors that don't serve you well.


You can find Does Every Woman Have an Eating Disorder? Challenging Our Nation's Fixation with Food and Weight on Amazon (as a paperback and Kindle) and at BarnesandNoble.com




Thursday, February 02, 2017

My Dad Couldn’t Understand My Eating Disorder

Guest Post by Rachael Steil
Eating disorders thrive in secrecy. Friends and family members will rarely (if ever) see the dozen empty candy bar wrappers stashed in your trash (perhaps wrapped/hidden in crumpled toilet paper) or find measuring cups lying on the counter. It may take months or years for them to find the scale hidden beneath your bed.
They may never know your struggle until you tell them.
Having to explain your eating disorder to a loved one is probably one of the most difficult tasks to take in the journey to recovery. The biggest lesson I had to learn is that friends and family members simply may not understand–but the goal isn’t to make them walk in your shoes. It’s to feel they will always support you and that even in their confusion, they will understand that having the disorder is just that–a disorder. It’s not a way of living we decide to take on.
The Questions
When I first told my mom about the eating disorder she seemed to continually ask the wrong questions and make the wrong suggestions (“Well let’s step on the scale to see where you’re at!” and, “But did you throw up all your food?”). It’s tough to get off to a good start when someone hasn’t experienced an eating disorder. My dad probably had one of the most difficult times trying to break it apart.
“How can you physically keep stuffing in more and more food?” he asked one night when we had agreed to sit down to talk. “I mean, I get to the point where enough is enough in one meal.”
I sat there trying to figure out how to help my dad understand this. It seemed so obvious to me, but I knew we had different bodies and different lifestyles. I had to help him see how different my mind and body processed food—especially since I had such a warped view of it after all the restriction in my past.
Thus the hour-long conversation went a little like this:
ME: “When you hold back on food for so long–like my two-year restriction–then your body is going to try to make up for it. It’s going to go for the simplest sugars. That’s why many people crave junk food at the end of the day if they don’t eat enough. Your body wants to find the most calorie-dense, simplest form of food so that it can break it down fast and get into the body’s cells. And with an eating disorder–with your body in that desperation mode–you often stuff yourself until you are uncomfortably full, even if it hurts.”
DAD: “But how is that physically possible? When you’re full of food, how can you take any more in? That would feel so uncomfortable.”
ME: “The body will do anything in its power to get the calories, even if it means shutting off your brain to it or overcoming ‘willpower.’ Believe me, your body can do the seemingly impossible to get what it needs–especially when you have forcibly deprived it.”
DAD: *confused silence*
ME: “Do you understand that?”
DAD: “No, not really. Aren’t you full after a meal?”
ME: “I am, most of the time. But some days I feel hungrier than others. That’s when I go back to get another small meal or a snack, according to the meal plan I was given by my dietitian. But I try to wait for a while first.”
DAD: “But where does ‘discipline’ and ‘disorder’ get mixed up? I mean does me eating a whole tub of ice cream qualify as a ‘disorder’? Or is it my lack of discipline?”
I could see his point with this last question, but it made me uncomfortable. I suddenly realized he did not see my case as a disorder at all, but perhaps just something to cover up a lack of discipline. He had not seen the battles raging in my mind, had not felt the emotional guilt during and after every meal.
ME: “I wouldn’t see that as a disorder unless you did it almost every night and felt guilty or out of control about it. If you are living in constant fear of food and fear eating all of that and feel like you can do nothing to stop yourself . . . if it holds you back from living a normal life, I feel like that would qualify as a ‘disorder.’”
Confusion and Building Trust
My dad and I continued to talk in circles late into the night. I hadn’t ever thought it would feel this difficult to explain the eating disorder to him. I had imagined that he would come away enlightened, fully understanding everything I had gone through.
It wasn’t until weeks later that I began to realize the best support I could have from my parents is that they were willing to listen, made an effort to understand through books and speaking to specialists in the area of eating disorders, and accepted that this was a  disorder–that like anorexia on the opposite end of the spectrum where you cannot force someone to “just eat,” you could not force someone with binge eating disorder or bulimia to stop eating “too much.”
Despite the difficulties in understanding, I feel I have grown with one of the greatest support systems I could have ever asked for. I have spent countless hours venting, crying, and explaining my eating disorder to my mom. I repeated myself more times than I can remember, but the repetition–with someone there to listen–was essential in my recovery. I needed to speak, needed to repeat thoughts and feelings for me to come to my own realizations and make changes. If chose to change, if made the connections, I was much more willing to make better decisions for my body.
My loved ones listened. They allowed me to speak, encouraged me to get the confusion, loneliness, fear, and isolation out of my frantic mind.
I am my best form of myself now because of my parents and my friends.

Rachael Steil has published several articles in Michigan Runner magazine and regular blogs and advice on her website at www.runninginsilence.com. She has spoken about eating disorders for events at Aquinas College, the Grand Rapids Women’s City Club, the “Go Boldly, Love Your Body” campaign in Grand Rapids, Mindful Counseling GR, and has been interviewed for several websites, radio shows, podcasts, and the Grand Rapids Press. Her debut book Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It was published in 2016.


You can find Does Every Woman Have an Eating Disorder? Challenging Our Nation's Fixation with Food and Weight on Amazon (as a paperback and Kindle) and at BarnesandNoble.com




Tuesday, January 03, 2017

One Word

As the new year approached, I came across a post in an online moms' group that read: "If you could pick a single word as your focus for 2017, what would it be?"

I scrolled through the responses, anticipating overarching goals like "manifestation" or "hope" or "love" only to find that a number of women had chosen their singular focus for the new year to be "thin" or "weight-loss."

Despite the fact that I write about most women having some kind of disordered relationship with food and/or their bodies and that I understand the diet industry's grip on the New Year, I'm still surprised to read that women would prioritize weight-loss above all else. What about happiness? Inner peace? Does the pursuit of thinness trump, or subsume, all? 

Even if your New Year's resolution must involve food or your body, check out Melissa Fabello's list from last year of "50 Body Acceptance New Year Resolutions (That Don’t Involve Dieting!)."

Think of it this way: In 5/10/20 years, when you're looking back on your life, how do you want to have defined this year for yourself? What do you want to have accomplished? Incorporated? Embraced?

So, what's your one word?


You can find Does Every Woman Have an Eating Disorder? Challenging Our Nation's Fixation with Food and Weight on Amazon (as a paperback and Kindle) and at BarnesandNoble.com




Monday, November 14, 2016

Can I Get Fries with That?

Recently, I saw a woman wearing a t-shirt that read, "Will Work Out for Fries." Is it only funny because, for so many, it rings true? How many share this food/exercise philosophy?

I'd do a lot for a good order of fries - drive in traffic, wait on a long line, possibly even forsake ketchup - but I don't want to have to exercise to earn my right to eat them.

The moment we start pairing food with physical activity is the moment we take that first step down what could be a slippery slope, a slope toward counting and comparing, obsessing and overdoing, a slope that overlaps with disorder.

How many miles do you have to run to burn off an order of medium fries? Don't learn this! Data like this, especially for certain brains, can be difficult to unlearn.*

Instead, learn how you feel when you run. Notice your state of mind following those laps in the pool. Focus on gratitude for being able-bodied (if you are) and capable of climbing mountains (if you can). Understand what it means to feel strong and accomplished.

This has absolutely nothing to do with an order of fries.


*If you do know the answer, you can still practice uncoupling food and exercise by keeping exercise patterns constant, regardless of spikes in intake.


You can find Does Every Woman Have an Eating Disorder? Challenging Our Nation's Fixation with Food and Weight on Amazon (as a paperback and Kindle) and at BarnesandNoble.com




Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Healthline's 2016 Best Eating Disorder Blogs

I'm a little late to post this, but I wanted to celebrate another blogging win, plus honor a number of other fabulous blogs. If you haven't seen Healthline's 2016 list of "Best Eating Disorder Blogs," check it out here. Congrats to all the winners!


You can find Does Every Woman Have an Eating Disorder? Challenging Our Nation's Fixation with Food and Weight on Amazon (as a paperback and Kindle) and at BarnesandNoble.com

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Why Eating Disorders and Substance Abuse So Commonly Co-Occur

Curious about the relationship between eating disorders and alcohol/substance misuse? Check out my latest blog for Oliver-Pyatt Centers!


You can find Does Every Woman Have an Eating Disorder? Challenging Our Nation's Fixation with Food and Weight on Amazon (as a paperback and Kindle) and at BarnesandNoble.com