Leslie Goldman, author of Locker Room Diaries: The Naked Truth about Women, Body Image and Re-Imagining the “Perfect" Body encourages women to write a letter to their most detested body part, offering an apology for the disdain they’ve habitually directed toward it. It seems that the letter-writing process allows you recognize how aggressive you’ve been toward yourself (there’s something about it that allows said body part to feel more “human”) and to stir up some self-compassion, which is a critical part of restoring a healthy body-image and overall self-esteem. The process calls to mind a famous Jungian quote: "We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.”
While it might be easy to identify which body part you’d address, is it clear to you what you would say? And, if you were to engage in this process, what types of feelings would you encounter?
As an example:
Dear Stomach/Butt/Outer Thighs/Upper Arms, Etc.:
I’m sorry for all the blame I’ve cast your way.
I’m sorry for even briefly, and wildly, entertaining the notion that I’d like to be rid of you. . . and, even more so, for imagining hacking you off with a circular saw.
I’m sorry that I look at you with such scorn, and that I’m not willing to accept you for who you are.
I have to admit that I sometimes think you’re cute—you’re dimply and cuddly, and, most important, I realize that if I can’t accept you, there’s really no way I can accept me.
11 comments:
Hi Dr. Stacey :)
Ok - here's my letter:
My Dear Boobs,
Please forgive me for my years of hatred of you guys and I am deeply ashamed of myself to the point of tears because some women who have had to endure cancer surgery on them would give anything to have you on their bodies.
With this in mind, if you should decide to grow smaller as I lose my weight, I will be ever grateful for this happening but I promise that from today on in, I won't complain about your size because Dr. Stacey woke me up and I will not ever forget this as long as I shall live.
I had to do an assignment sort of like this for my life coach. She had me write what I would say to one of my body parts to make it feel better about itself. I, of course, turned it around and did it my own way. For example, my stomach...I said "you'd be much happier if you had a 6-pack." Not really what she was looking for. ;)
I think everyone who reads your post should try that exercise. :)
I love your blog!! You must be sick of my nonsense posts though!
"and, even more so, for imagining hacking you off with a circular saw"
Have you been reading my mind? I think in most scenarios it's more of a machete than a circular saw, but the same thing, essentially : )
I'll have to get back to you on my letter to my most hated "part". Right now, I'm in PMS mode and can't even begin to narrow it down.
"and, even more so, for imagining hacking you off with a circular saw"
I didn't realize this was such a common visualization! In my case, though, I imagine hacking it (whatever part) off with a knife and frying it in a pan....um, definitely not a healthy thought : (
My head hurts right now, but I think in a better moment the exercise might be beneficial.
Hi, FB--I'm glad this was helpful. . . It does seem that recognizing how other people suffer sometimes puts things in perspective. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to post your letter.
PTC--that wasn't the assignment!! ; )
Thanks, as always, for your input.
AS--that's such an interesting way to reframe this--not only did your abdomen give you your babies, but the "stretching" was necessary so that they'd be healthy (and not premature).
Kristi--it seems we can get pretty violent with these images. I think it's helpful to notice that and begin to wonder why. I'm glad this resonated with you.
Meg--maybe not "healthy," but certainly important to recognize and to try to decode--that's a pretty powerful image.
Seems like the "hacking" piece was helpful--I'm glad b/c it felt a little violent to write, but I've heard it before, so I thought it might be good to share.
Hi Dr. Stacey,
My first visit here - thanks for your sharing.
Regarding this post - awhile back in Tx for ED, an "assignment" was to caress my own face and talk to myself as I would a baby, someone else.
I smoothed my forehead and my hair away from my face, and soothed that person who I was stroking lovingly. "It's ok, you're ok... I love you"
It was really quite emotional for me - felt kind of weird. Unfortunately, like many such exercises, the feelings don't last.
Thanks Stacey.
PB--that sounds like a pretty powerful exercise--can imagine a lot of tears. Unfortunately, however, I'm not sure doing something like that once can compete with the billion other (opposite) messages we tell ourselves (by the day, hour, or even minute). I think one would have to do that repeatedly over time in order to start to chip away at the other "reality" we've created.
Thanks for reading. . .
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