Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Miss Jackson

Janet Jackson. Amid wardrobe malfunctions and family drama, the woman still knows how to pick a man. In a recent issue of Britain’s Grazia magazine, Janet reports that despite her 68-pound weight-gain for a now defunct movie role, her music industry boyfriend, Jermaine Dupri, still worshipped her frame:
Not once did he make me feel uncomfortable. He'd grab me, pull me around the stomach, look me in the eyes and say, 'This needs love too!'

I thought that was the sweetest thing. I've never in my life had love that was so unconditional.

My weight never affected my sex life. Nothing changed, nothing!
40-year-old Janet is convinced she’s found “The One.” To know that while her weight may fluctuate, his attraction to (and love for) her remains constant produces one of the most monumental relationship exhales. And, isn’t that what partnership is all about? To quote Janet in song, “That’s the way love goes.”


flowerchild said...

Wouldn't that be nice -to be attractive to a man and to feel attractive to a man no matter what my current weight is. Somehow this seems about as possible as world peace.

HaileySqueek said...

It's not impossible! My husband is super attracted to me no matter what I weigh. Even when I was at my highest weight -235- he wanted to jump me whenever he caught a glimpse of me naked. I'm convinced that he would want me even if I weighed 400 pounds. With all that I have dealt with over the years in terms of weight and dieting, it has been really wonderful to have a husband who loves me and wants me regardless of weight.

drstaceyny said...

fc--see HS below!

HS--what a wonderful comment (and man). : )

flowerchild said...

It makes my soul sad and tired.....
My husband doesn't want anything to do with me if I am five pounds "too much," let alone forty pounds too much.
It's nice that some relationships are very different than mine.

Emily Jolie said...

More proof that it's possible: my husband, in fact, prefers when I've got a little more chub on me - which is probably, at least in part, due to the fact that I'm much more fun to be around when I'm letting myself be a "normal" weight rather than obsessing about every bite of food that goes into my mouth. I'm more relaxed, more fun to be with, and we can actually go out to eat together. In the earlier years of our relationship, going out to eat was something we both enjoyed tremendously - until I chose to make being thin a priority over pretty much everything else in my life, and going to a restaurant became a dreaded activity, not to mention picking a restaurant that I would agree to go to.

J always tells me I am beautiful just the way I am and that he'd find me beautiful no matter how much I weighed - yes, even if I weighed 300 pounds. He always seems to be attracted to me, no matter what. He tells me he doesn't think very skinny looks that good. Ultimately, all he cares about is for me to be happy.

I know I am incredibly spoiled with this man! Now if only I could see myself the way he sees me!

Flowerchild, I'm not trying to suggest anything here, but I want you to know that you DESERVE someone who loves you unconditionally! Ideally, of course, we would all love OURSELVES that way - at which point we wouldn't rely on feeling loved by others - which would only make them love us more, because we wouldn't be dependent on or desperate for their love. Ever notice how, once you let go of wanting something, you either notice that you really don't want it that much after all, or it comes to you naturally, without any effort on your part? It's the TRYING to achieve end results that often seems to prevent us from actually getting what we want. Once we surrender and accept that, whatever will be will be, we tend to get exactly what we need and what's best for us without any efforts on our part! So neat!


Debstar said...

Is it the weight that is the problem or how we feel and consequently present ourselves that is the problem.
If you feel fat and frumpy and moan and groan about it constantly its got to be a turn off. You see many large women who look and obviously feel sexy and are far more attractive to men than the skinny weight obsessed girls in this world.
Its mindset. Its presentation.

flowerchild said...

to respond to Debstar....
I rarely mention anything to do with weight or how I feel about myself to my husband or anyone else for that matter. I don't talk about food, my body, my eating disorder, etc, etc. I dress nicely, I do my hair, makeup, all that kind of stuff, blah blah blah. After all I am "out there in the world" being successful and amazing. ;)

My weight has fluctuated up and down one hundred pounds since I have known my husband. I have been very thin and very fat and it is quite obvious to anyone that I have food issues. However, it is also obvious that when I weigh less, my husband is much more attracted to me than when I weigh more, no matter what I wear or how I "present myself."

At my heaviest I could parade in the sexiest Victoria's Secret ensemble and my husband would run screaming the other way. Of course, I never would dream of parading in anything at my heaviest.
So, I believe it has to do with two things: 1) the confidence I have when I am a stick figure (makes no sense, I know)vs. when I am not or when I think I am not, and 2 his aversion to fat and me when I am fat.
Isn't it amazing how my husband and I found each other to perfectly play out this very dysfunctional scenario which I am sure stems from something that was never quite resolved in childhood?