(Murphy's and Aniston's "pregnancy" photos)
I’m pregnant.
So, apparently, are all of you.
It seems that celebrity gossip columnists are perennially on the lookout for stars with a bump. In this usage, a “bump” constitutes any abdomen that is not concave in form. The latest victims? Jennifer Aniston and Brittany Murphy. File this under reasons to be grateful you’re not a celebrity. True, bump sightings sometimes result in real-life embryos, but in their zeal to predict celebrity reproduction, reporters often jump the gun, creating a baby out of a hearty meal, a form-fitting dress, or, heavens forbid, some additional weight.
It reminds me of last year, when Sandra Bullock responded to a reporter’s query about a possible pregnancy: “It’s called weight gain.” I just loved her “get over it” response.
It’s funny how (in real life) social graces encourage us to avoid the pregnancy question like the plague. Nothing could be worse than identifying a false positive. I remember visiting my veterinarian one day, thinking she was pregnant, but being too afraid to ask (for the slight chance she wasn’t). Finally, my curiosity got the best of me. She was eight months in. I think we’ll know our culture’s settled into a healthy place regarding weight and shape when we’re able to ask the pregnancy question as easily as any other—did you cut your hair? Were you out in the sun?—because the potential connotation of weight gain won’t be the dagger it is today.
Congratulations to all of you—I’m having, as you can probably guess from the size of my bump, twins.
6 comments:
I totally saw these! The author (on a sleazy gossip website, mind you, but i read it) stated "maybe she just got fat" in referring to the above picture of Aniston. I remember being horrified. No wonder there are so many personality-disordered and eating-disordered women out there. This guy is out there like the bloodly plague playing on insecure women and acting like a know-it-all.
It's ridiculous. People are so obsessed with celebs and their weight and whether or not they're pregnant. Get a life!! (Not you, drstacey).
And who the heck cares about "Brangelina?" They are two separate people, can we please call them by their really names?!
(sorry, I'm a little fiesty today)
ps--good point. . . and nice usage of the phrase, "bloody plague."
ptc--feistiness encouraged (apparently, I'm in a similar place!)
I saw that where Sandra Bullock said "it's called weight gain." Or whatever she said. And I remember thinking...weight gain? What did you do? Go from a 2 to a 4? And can you imagine being scrutinized that closely...where every ounce gets plastered over People magazine. Sure...they get paid the big bucks and that's part of the deal. But it would be enough to make anyone nuts.
Soooo true! Every other day we here about a new celebrity's "baby bump?" It's so ridiculous. They never look pregnant at all. There's rarely even a "bump" to begin with. I always wonder how the stars accused of donning a baby bump feel. They're probably mortified (even though they shouldn't be).
and i am, apparently, having quadruplets (and all without the aid of fertility drugs! just ice cream.)
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