Wednesday, May 03, 2006

The New Black

Ante up, girls—I’ve got the next big tip. When I was in college, fat was the enemy. Low-fat, reduced-fat, no-fat, fat-free—whatever you did, you just had to stay clear of the fat. It made sense—eating fat makes you fat. And, as such, there were legions of coeds feasting on The Final Four: salad, cereal, bagels, and frozen yogurt. Mix and match, and you’d be fed for weeks. During this time, I discovered fat-free brownies (suggested motto: “One—not so good; entire batch—remotely satisfying”) and similar products high in sugar, multi-syllabic chemicals, and other fillers all designed to not-so-successfully compensate for the glaring absence of fat.

At some point, and rather unexpectedly, a curve ball was thrown our way. Someone got around to noticing that 5000 calories a day of fat-free cereal could indeed make you. . . fat. Gracefully, we struck a peace deal with fat (in fact, fat was now an ally!) and staged war against carbohydrates. Low-carb, no-carb, Atkins, South Beach, The Zone—nothing could be too fat—in fact, you’re now invited to chew your gravy—as long it’s carb-free. This is the era of low-carb bagels (huh?), sugar-free chocolate, and Tasty D·Light.

As a gambling girl, you might wonder, what’s next? Given that there are only three caloric, essential nutrients, and only one that has yet to be targeted by the diet industry, I’m going with protein. I’m not exactly sure what the spin will be, but somehow and sometime soon, protein will be your new enemy. So, grab your potatoes by the bag, saddle up your French loaf, and hop on the low-protein bandwagon—it’s gonna be a wild ride.

3 comments:

ps22 said...

Ha! You're so right. Some loon out there will invent the the "protein-less chicken breast made of totally synthesized and chemical ingredients that taste just like chicken!" Never mind if it will give you IBS for now, and cancer in 20 years.

JennyinJa said...

Actually - I think someone did harness the horses to that bandwagon about 15 years ago. Does the phrase "stop the insanity" ring a bell for you? I was a Susan Powter devotee after sobbing through her infomercial.

I didn't lose any weight, by the way. It turns out that eating six baked potatoes in a sitting isn't necesarily the best way to drop the pounds.

I do remember that fat was the major enemy, but I remember clearly how she talked about eating mountains of potatoes and bags of popcorn. I don't remember being able to eat much meat...

PalmTreeChick said...

Too bad there will never be an "only eat chocolate" fad diet.